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Dating Online – The Dos & Don’ts for the 45 Plus

You may have never imagined that you would find yourself at this age looking to date again. Research shows that 41% of all first marriages end in divorce, so you’re not alone. Don’t feel bad, because this could be a very exciting time for you! With your experience now you are poised to know what you want and don’t want in a partner. Knowing what you want is key to finding a healthy relationship and a love that will last. If you are here it’s because you could use a little help getting back in the dating game. We have some Dos & Don’ts advice for the more mature readers.  

 

We recommend trying out a couple of Dating Apps to jump-start your new dating lifestyle. Our followers have liked Match.com and Bumble. There are many to choose from so shop around so you don’t get frustrated with the process. Have fun with this process and don’t take it, or yourself too seriously or you might hate it and quit. If you’ve gotta meet someone quick you likely will, but this vibe shows and you will align with the wrong type of person. So, slow down and relax.  Here are the Dos…

 

DO: 

  • Be yourself. Don’t try to be something you’re not. This never works out for either person when you go back to being the person you truly are. 
  • Use current photos. Have a variety of current photos. One selfie is enough, then choose photos of you doing the things you like to do. Some happy family photos are nice and show a caring side. 
  • Do be honest. Women love a trustworthy man. 
  • Be direct – this saves time, and not get caught up in over dating. 
  • Do have fun! Plan adventurous dates. You will have fun and this triggers the ” ” response in women. 
  • Do consider 10 years in either direction of your age. 
  • Do listen and ask open-ended questions. 
  • Do consider video chat dates. Given our current health concerns, some areas may not be fully open. Some may be caring for someone who is at risk and may want to social distance for now. 
  • Do flirt. Men love it when you flirt with them. Give compliments and smile. 
  • Do speak up. Speak authentically and speak your needs. It takes the guessing game out of it. 

DON’TS:

  • Don’t settle or ditch your standards. 
  • Don’t lie on your profile. Be true to yourself and others. 
  • Don’t talk about your EX. They want to get to know you, not your EX. 
  • Don’t bring baggage. For at least the first 3 dates keep it light and inquisitive. 
  • Don’t be rigid. It’s ok to be a little vulnerable here. It shows you are human and not a robot. 
  • Don’t talk about yourself too much. It’s ok to be nervous. Ask questions that require more than just a yes or no. 
  • Don’t send unsolicited photos of yourself or your anatomy. Unsolicited selfies can seem desperate. Do we need to say more about the unsolicited anatomy photos? 
  • Don’t have sex until your ready. You can’t take sex back so be clear beforehand about what your expectations are and any STDs if necessary. It might not sound sexy, but it is necessary to communicate. 
  • Don’t bond over your baggage. Oversharing is never sexy. Let the relationship grow before getting into baggage. Keep it fun! 
  • Don’t call him unless he calls you ladies. If he doesn’t call you, don’t think of it as rejection. Just say, next. 
  • Don’t be picky. Don’t compare them to your last partner. Stay open and positive. 

It is important to know your deal-breakers. Make a list of what’s important to you in a partner and what’s a deal-breaker. Keep this list where you can see it regularly. This way you’re less likely to break one of your own rules. Having boundaries is important and healthy for yourself and your relationship.

 

Men and women view things through different lenses. Women want to make sure they can get what they need from the relationship and men want to know they will be successful in the relationship. “Making sense of the opposite sex frees us to make choices conducive to getting what we want, but that works. To do this we have to understand the different worlds we come from,” says John Gray, Ph.D. in his book Mars and Venus on a Date. Even though men and women approach life and situations differently, all is not lost. With a little understanding and clear and open communication, you can find your true love. Remember to keep it exciting!

XX Lola

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